I don’t know how many hours have passed since i’ve slipped away into absolute darkness, expecting to fall back into my pattern of dreams. unfortunately there is nothing, only emptiness. At first it got me worried, but now i’m just bored. This isn’t quite what i’d expected when i closed my eyes. Where is my teacher, the dark side of myself which i’ve always ignored and pushed away? I wish to see more and be inspired. Strange how things can change in such a short period of time. I always hated the rage bottled up inside of me and the character i had to be in order to obtain success, it’s like a bad role playing game gone terribly wrong. And now what? Locked up in a void with no way out. I try to move around a bit, but it doesn’t seem to work. No gravity as well. It figures since there isn’t any matter in here to attach to, only me. What a way to start a new chapter, kind of like presenting a blank page with a mere dot in the middle. It does offer a lot of potential though, because if i would actually present a blank page you would be able to fill in the storyline yourself. Become the writer instead of the reader and who knows.. Maybe you would be able to become the main character as well, how far would your imagination take you? Beyond darkness? I guess that`s what i need to do to get out of here. Unfortunately i have nothing to focus on, nothing to control, and nothing to go to now. I just don’t see anything, but maybe there are things here wich i can’t see. There isn’t a way to search for anything here either as long as i can’t move. So no movement, no vision and no touch. But this can’t be a vacuum because my body would be torn apart and spread across every empty bit of space to fill the emptiness. I know i am definitely missing a piece of the puzzle. It’s probably the absence of Avitas which is a major influence in this world. How can one man have so much power? It’s insane… Even more insane is the fact it’s probably nothing more then one of my idiotic dreams, a product of a live imagination. Like children sometimes develop imaginary friends to fill up an empty space in their social structure. I think i have filled up the empty space my father left behind. But no matter how much information gathered in the past two years, it’s still barely enough to solve the prime issue. The issue is the fact my prime survival instincts are taking over the throne inside my mind, and the information i have received through education and nurture is still resisting out of fear for the unknown. Our prime instincts are connected to a wide variety of cognitive functions we barely use today and the sudden increase of cognitive ability can be quite overwhelming. But where does my imagination fit in? We can see how instincts are connected to senses at other animals to get a bit of an idea of the possibilities, but no one really knows if animals have imagination and how it fits into their system. So how am i expected to control this void of potential without any examples to learn from? “By shutting up and allow me to teach you. I will fill that emptiness”, a deep voice echoes and suddenly a sun appears shining light through the endless void. “Let there be light”, the deep voice whispers. “Is this sufficient for you to navigate?’, the voice asks. “No Avitas, this is not enough. There is no land to walk on and no resources to walk to”. I hope i gave the correct answer. “Blink with your eyes”, the voice commands. I close my eyes for a second and when i open them again i am staring directly into the emerald green eyes of Avitas.

 I keep staring in the mirror for almost half an hour like that. Lost in my own dream world, while creating endless deserts and desolated plains. Something woke me up. I don’t know what it is, but it’s like a barrier just broke down and realization pours into me. I’ve been trying so hard to become what i am in my dreams that it keeps getting harder to tell the difference. It’s a very new experience since i have always hidden a part of what i wanted to be to become what my environment made me. It’s nothing more than emptiness being filled. The realization that there`s a gap between who i could have been and who i am. Fortunately nature always make sure every bit of potential will be used, all you need to do is open up for the patterns. Patterns from paradoxes who turn paradoxes into singularities, the secret of transmutation. A philosophy deeper than most people will realize. And once you do it becomes harder to be around the people who don’t understand. You become more isolated, but in return will be able to recognize the ones who are on the same path. Searching for answers on a road made out of questions and the more answers we find the longer our path becomes. We will never reach our destination, but as i learned it’s not the destination that creates the story but the road towards it. Destiny is simply the end of all the experiences that lead you towards it. Cherish those experiences, not the destination. Those experiences is what makes you stronger, more versatile and help you evolve as a human being into something greater. A deity perhaps? We all have a lot more potential in us than we normally exploit. Most of us are so caught up in the race to supply our basic needs they forgot how to see all the possibilities that lie beyond. And you can’t blame them. To most people surviving is so difficult it’s hard to find any spare time to experience anything more. Sacrifices will have to be made, a major investment of time which most people can’t spare. I can, so i will. It’s what we do according to Murphy`s law. As soon as we see possibilities we either grab them or let them pass, and we are with so many people there is always somebody who will grab the opportunity as soon as it arises. Who will be capable of sharing the experience so others can learn from it as well. I take a deep breath and wonder if i should continue to dig deeper into this philosophy or just write some more. The growing number of followers on my page do encourage me to go on with this mission, but i can’t just be feeding them a nice story. It’s a mystery school so people expect mystery. Something unexplained being explained, translated into understandable language. Slowly my feet are carrying me towards my laptop and i start scrolling around a build on the screen. The last topic about emptiness keeps haunting me, i am definitely missing some sort of link. Maybe i am a bit to hard on myself and expect too much, ever since i have been training myself to open my eyes to potential i am kindof blinded by the lights. I am already familiar with the consequences of that, if we focus too much on a single side we are doomed to cut ourselves on the side we ignored to much. I don’t seem to be able to cut myself on any of those sides since i walk straight through the middle, the journey through the center of paradoxes. And while everyone around me picks sides, good or evil, i continue to move forward undecided. I don’t believe in those classifications any longer, there is no such thing as good or evil. Nature decides what is efficient and inefficient and the inefficient ones will be deleted. Leaving behind a vacuum of potential space to be filled with the most efficient creations. Like we ourselves also continue to upgrade our energy efficiency by replacing old techniques for new one. We are copying that behaviour, but we aren’t very good at it. We’ll probably lose from any competition nature throws at us. We are missing so many details, our vision is barely enough to see the consequences of our own behaviour. Slowly my fingers move over the keyboard as i transform thoughts into the document. With each expression of thought the blank paper becomes less empty and i think about the dream i just had, about filling the void. I guess i am already filling the void, the only question is:”Will anyone be able to transform these texts into a change in their own way of thinking?”. Perhaps it takes time… This story had almost two years of preparation and i am barely halfway there. Chapter seven out of twenty four. To me it has a lot of meaning since a week exists out of seven days with each twenty four hours, to someone else it’s just a number as any other number. Insignificant and uninteresting. To most people practically everything poured into this story is uninteresting and too much information to end a stressful day with. No one is able to see the vacuum i’m in after i took a leap of faith and jumped into an ocean of information with an information addiction and an information processing disorder. I fought my way through several burn-outs and now i’m practically speaking in an alien language. The process has been completed, from a black raven preying on the left overs of others back into a white raven, unique and way to exposed. It’s just a matter of time before predators will come to feed on me, but my words are my weapons and if not sufficient my training will be. Don’t grab the pen before you learn to wield the sword or you will find out it will only lead towards self destruction. I already made that mistake once. I will make it twice, but next time at least i`m able to carry the consequences. We can’t hide from who we are forever. I close my eyes and think of all the times i had no other choice but to take out the competition. It’s one of the first rules of survival; be on top of the game or on top of the foodchain. It does take some form of cruelness to be like that however. It contradicts everything we’ve learned, but they never told us who are the ones preying on us. Maybe if they did it would have been easier to see the necessity of natural behaviour. Always trust your instincts. Luckily i had the ability to practice for over ten years in a simulated environment. I’ll never forget the thrill of the hunt and how addictive it can be to crush any competition. It gives a man a sense of power, but at what price? I decide to leave the chapter as it is for now. My mental processing system is close to an overload and i can’t afford to slip into another burn-out again. The only way to stop the stream of energy is to create more emptiness. To divide and conquer by creating an opposite. And so i walk back towards the black couch in the center of the living room, lie down and slip back into a world which is growing exponentially just like ours. A place of with emptiness waiting to be filled like a blank piece of paper and i realize it more and more everyday. I am the writer.

 
Sparkles dance around a fireplace made of loose stones behind the edge of a small cliff. Two men spend the night there, looking for a place to hide from the ruthless cold desert winds. The only vegetation is a lost dead tree once in awhile, but it is obvious not many living things can survive in a hostile environment like this. There men are doing it for quite a while now using different techniques. They raise a long net every evening before they go to sleep to catch the morning dew and use it as a water resource. They dissolve minerals gathered from different types of rock in the water to make sure they at least get a few nutrients at every zip. It has kept them alive so far, and their body has accepted this way of survival as well. It’s surprising how well our species can adapt to a changing environment. The two men look very distinctive, one dressed in black like a raven, the other one looks as if he doesn’t belong here but in a more urban environment. “How many times do we have to have these conversations? I’m getting the feeling we are getting closer”, the man dressed in urban clothing with the name Sativa says to his companion, who wears the reflective name Avitas. “You are getting the picture aren’t you? And i must say, i`m impressed how fast you are learning. You have even analyzed infinite patterns by scaling it up to the bigger picture. If i were a normal human i would probably bow down, but unfortunately i am a more demanding version. Still not satisfied at all”. Avitas grins while he teases his student. “What do you expect from me?”, sativa looks at his master with great respect. “Is it even possible to please you?”. “Can fire freeze or water burn?”. “No, but the elements which form water burn extremely well, and the fuel which produces fire can freeze”. “Than this is your answer. No, i will never be satisfied, but one day i no longer need to. My opinion won’t matter anymore, but yours will. I will be solidified from my excited state. The fire will extinguish and there will be water, if god wishes”. For a minute neither of them says a word, until the student breaks the silence. “What happens if i fail?”. “Don’t expect me to give you the right answer if you ask the wrong question”, Avitas replies. “Don’t expect to draw the right conclusions based on the wrong view”. He starts drawing a picture in the sand and Sativa recognizes it immediately. “The eye of Horus”, he whispers. “How eager we are to stand on top of the mountain, looking over the valleys below from a safe distance thinking we know what goes on down there. Once we go down we discover all the dangers the leafs where hiding from us. Use the organs you have the way they function. The eye for detail to see the detail. The eye is the pencil and your mind the canvas. Pencils don’t paint a complete picture, nor do they display them”. “Why do you always talk in riddles when you could just explain it to me in an easy way?”. Sativa sounds irritated. “Annoying isn’t it? Destiny is knocking on your door and you refuse to open up. What do you think is more annoying? Me wasting time and energy while knocking? Or you acting like nobody is home?”. Avitas looks as if he doesn’t care much about his student’s rebellious behaviour. “I could just walk away and wait until you decide to go out, but I love your resistance. I even admire it from time to time, although it does stand in my way a bit. I don’t mind. Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished”.”Then let’s go do something usefull because i would like to see more things accomplished”, Sativa rises and takes his oakwood staff which is leaning against the rocks. “What if i refuse?”, Avitas grins. “If you want to spend all of your time sitting next to a fire and a pile of rock speaking riddles that`s fine. As for me, i don’t need you and i can follow my own path whenever i desire. So long Avitas, we will meet again”, Sativa’s face doesn’t hide much of his frustration as he walks away from his teacher to continue solo. As for his master, the ones with eye for detail would see the satisfaction. “Teach me no more, from now on i will teach you”, he whispers while he smiles but Sativa is too far away to hear it. He doesn’t look back a single time, only forward. To see what lies beyond darkness. To walk alone…
 
I’m staring at the screen while emptiness takes over. Don’t ask how this story is going to end. It’s written without any sense of direction, just a copy of my own dreams and reality. Where do i go when i walk beyond the numbers? To lead is to walk alone, to leave behind all those who follow. It’s greatest challenge is the fear of loneliness which we have all felt once in our lives. Acceptance is the only way. The experience itself will open your consciousness, all empty seats will be filled. Patience is everything, to keep looking forward beyond darkness. Every dark night promises a new sunrise, every day full of sun promises a new nightfall. Be so dark at night no predator can see you, be so white during daytime you reflect the sun. The trick is to be almost 360, but 9 degrees of scale. To leave an open space for progress. That which doesn’t grow will surely decay. And so in dreams as well as in reality i walk alone, as above so below, to perform the miracle of one thing; spiritual transformation. The waves of creation are slowly spreading, influencing the mind at first, then expressing itself towards the body. When your personal transformation is complete it starts changing your environment. Those who cannot follow will be left behind and replaced by those who walk the same path. The change in your environment will start influencing you back triggering a chain reaction. You will stop walking in circles, but grow in spirals. Always forward, stronger after every repetition. It means i have to escape my circle again, but i`m out of inspiration. I know i have quite some work to do on my physical skills. Even though combat techniques have greatly increased since i started this journey, i’m still not satisfied with the results. I always demand more improvement, it keeps me from slacking down. Also the urge to attach to someone is still present, but i’m getting better at resisting my fears every day. I used to know how this worked, but an easy life made me lose my touch. I know how this works. As soon as we attach to someone or something we are nothing more than a goat on a leash, grazing in circles. As soon as we escape we discover the world. My goal is to discover the world, what`s out there hidden beyond the darkness of our own limitations.And i have less of them every day. Silently i leave my desk and walk toward the cabinet. My katana is still where i left it, waiting for me to use it again. It gives me a sense of power to wield a sharp sword every day without getting any injuries. It also proves my focus, most have already told me i am taking too many risks. They do not see the increase in awareness, strength and technique. The gift of insight it gave me and the advanced self-reflection. I don’t even feel like i need a plan anymore. I can see the Fibonacci sequence in everything. One small step for a man, one giant calculation by nature. It all seems to fall into place. No matter the obstacles i come across, i know i will be strong enough to handle it. And so i prepare for my next dive into the endless void of the Abyss, looking for new mysteries to solve and new skills to master. Searching for a paradox to create a new pattern. A new wave of creation from fiction to truth, a world divided by mirrors which only let’s information get through. Fact is i’m done fighting my shadows and able to see beyond my own enemy as well. I’m am not my own enemy anymore nor do i have any enemies left surrounding me. Maybe that’s my biggest problem, but i’m not prepared to step outside that box at this point. Seems as if the only option i have left is to try and reach the border again, between life and death. To invoke a new stream of chemicals triggering new abilities in a last effort to ensure survival. I wonder what`s next, and how to reach this limit without taking a step too far and fall over the edge. Every time i reach the border the desire to give up is so strong it could be titled as seductive and dangerous, but surviving it gives you an experience beyond living or dying. Call it resurrection, the feeling of being born in a new body with a new mind and new capabilities to discover and develop. After all, death is only the beginning of new life. Are you afraid to die or look death in the eyes? I look at the tab with information about the Reticular activating system in our brains, responsible for dividing the incoming information to conquer the overwhelming stream of input our senses gather on a daily bases and wonder if i can open a few new connections in it or maybe re-open a few old ones who shut down a long time ago. I already tried starvation and also experienced brain trauma before. Serious dehydration is also from the list, so i guess my options are more limited after each dive. But the most important ingredient is now easy to reach for me, the will to act. Motivation by inspiration of based on emotional outbursts. Slowly i take the sword from it’s scabbard while the daylight is reflected on the sharp blade. How long will it take before i cut myself in any serious way? I am destined to make a mistake sooner or later, but for now i am still walking in front of the odds. I guess i must have a guardian angel, or perhaps i have become one myself. The downside of this story is i am losing my feelings and i honestly don’t care anymore what might become of me. Do you care? Do you ever wonder what you will become if you keep living the way you do? If you would there would be a change in your patterns as well. So maybe that’s the only secret of transmutation, to follow the heart. Powered by love we can overcome our greatest fears and make our wildest dreams come true.