Every now and then i can still hear the screams in my sleep and see the blood flow across the landscape in streams like a river. I see the fires burning through the villages, the devastation spreading across the land. But then i open my eyes again and i see a different world; one in which there is still hope. I don’t know why i am divided like this. Maybe it has something to do with a brain infection which i caught at a younger age, or a result of many different experiences all piled together. All i know is i stand between two worlds; the past and the future. I can see both very clear while i constantly shape and influence the presence. But every time i look in the mirror i see a tired man. A ghost, a mere shadow of the man i used to be. Can i blame myself? It has been a very long road and i am almost who i need to be. Still, this isn’t enough. The last chapter ended with a quick turn, but those mostly lead to dead ends. And that was where i was about to go, all the way to the dead end. No weapon forged against me shall prosper, i am still moving on. Alone mostly, without a travel companion. Nature is my companion, a friend which i have learned to know a lot better through these past few years. The wind rushing through my hairs, the rain pouring down on my face or the sun shining on my skin. It all feels like an attempt from my best friend to reach out to me and tell me not to worry, i am still not alone. I’m in a combined state of flow, both Mushin and Nirvana. I’ve learned a lot about what triggers both states of flow. You can consider Nirvana to be mindfulness while Mushin is an empty mindstate where the body only operates on reflexes. The difference between both states of flow can be found in the senses. In a state of Mushin the Nociceptors, which are responsible for registering pain are put on reflex mode. In the Nirvana state they are fully active registering all pain and increasing the other senses every time we are exposed to pain. Increase the senses enough and a world of possibilities will open up for you. It is nature’s spiritual compensation for extreme situations. Once in the singularity, everything becomes extreme. Singularity is the point where destruction and creation come together. It is an almost impossible volatile state of being which cannot be sustained for long. Division is only a matter of time and the longer you resist the more damage you will inflict on yourself. But everything seems to be so dual… With every state of singularity i enter, i divide and conquer it so quickly that i hardly even notice the phase change i am going through. Inside myself i am one. Not Sativa, not Avitas, but Savita, meaning the Sun.
“For the sun is situated in the center of the cosmos, wearing it like a crown”- Hermes Trismegistus.
In the Buddhist cycle, this means i am neither Brahma or Shiva but Vishnu. But the strange thing is i can divide my state of being Savita or Vishnu at any given time and become either Sativa or Avitas, Brahma or Shiva, to perform the miracle of creation or destruction. I know i am also in a state of denial. I have a hard time accepting myself for who i am.. Does this mean i am divine? I don’t want to see myself that way. All i actually wanted is the normal family life which i never had. I don’t want people to worship me or act like i am some kind of savior or expert problem solver. This is my own last shred of ignorance and i know it has everything to do with my past. I deny the thing all people have always seen in me because i know they fear me because of what they see; some kind of monster. At least it feels good to know i am not the only one. I just naturally continue an ancient bloodline by keeping the valuable information of my ancestors intact with proper nurture and environmental planning. A decade of experience in nurturing special plants in unique environments did add a bit of experience to my level of environmental management. I just know how to make creatures grow and bloom. How they become strong and how they become attractive to increase their yield or chances of survival. And all i can still do is find pathetic excuses for what i am. I know it doesn’t change the facts; people expect miracles coming from me. They crave for it to compensate the struggle of everyday life and give them a bit of hope. And i don’t want to disappoint them since i know how hard life is for everyone. I also hope for some form of external compensation on occasions. It’s just never there, not in the way normal humans experience it. I just get an increasing toolbox full of special gifts to compensate for the emptiness surrounding me. It’s the way i look at it that makes it easier to bear. These special gifts i receive are a present from nature to thank me for all the years i showed interest and understanding. A gift from an old friend, perhaps the best i ever had. The only one i could trust for years, but i have a few more now. I have corrected my mind in such a way things are slowly falling into place now. I know i should be proud of who i have become, but my heart has trouble letting go of the sweet innocent man i used to be. I don’t see much of that left inside when i look in the mirror. And every time i do get tempted to look inside it deeply i only see a darkness rising. A force which i am still not quite familiar with and which needs a lot more practice and study before i gain control of it. That will be quite an interesting journey. Great thing is thanks to an open vision i get inspiration and direction from all sides and levels. Even the smallest push opens an entire vault of treasures inside me and sets great things in motion. One of my followers told me about something she learned from an old Hindu priest at the village she came from. She told me how he would hide a room behind a curtain for the entire year. At the end he would lift the curtain and the people would see an empty room. The girl i spoke to assumed that the curtain was the secret. The thing is, i know exactly what that teacher was trying to show us. I lifted that curtain of ignorance blocking my view as well, but i found out we are all locked up inside that empty room and the world outside of it is the thing they hide from us. But it’s not realizing that alone which makes the rest of the journey so hard, it is knowing that once you step outside the room where most of the people are locked in you know no one will follow you. Most people got used to their comfort zone so much you will be forced to leave them all behind and continue on this journey alone. If you are lucky you can find at least one travel companion to accompany you, but most of the time that will just be wishful thinking and most of them will leave you as fast as they joined you on that path. I know i shouldn’t be blind, but eyes wide open. My heart has the habit to trick my mind while my environment tries to trick my heart. The mind is where the eye is, i have to keep it clear from now on.
In the last chapter i told you about a new group of people i met. Although i am keeping them at distance for now, i am sure i haven’t heard the last from them. They are not stable and cannot be trusted. At first they gave me a very good impression while they had a tremendous amount of information. Unfortunately, they failed to pass the test when i offered them to enter my special Mushin training program. Their confidence slowly crumbled and turned into the same predictable behavior most people have. If they are unable to follow but crave the powers you have acquired they will turn evil instantly. And so i had no choice but to go on again. If i stay with a group in such a situation it will only drain me from valuable energy and keep me from going forward towards my destiny. I begin to understand more and more it isn’t about finding the right group of people to connect to, it’s about shaping yourself in such a way you become the centerpoint of focus and the world revolves around you. Some may describe this as narcissism, but that is a lack of insight. A narcissist can’t love other people. I love people too much and have difficulty accepting myself for the fact that i am so different. I am just not sure yet whether the difference i make is either positive or negative and how i can keep this from going into a negative direction. Power is not always a blessing, the more you have the bigger the chance becomes you will destroy yourself and everybody around you if you don’t handle it with care. It is becoming increasingly difficult to be who i need to be and protect myself and my environment at the same time from being negatively influenced by my presence here. I draw too much attention perhaps. And to think i practically live like a hermit, there must be something they can all sense from a great distance which draws them closer towards me. I know it is because of the Seal of Solomon. As long as i have the most control over it people will be drawn towards me as if i am electromagnetic.
“Do you not think an angel rides in the whirlwind and directs this storm?”- John Page
I am both the angel and the storm that is coming. I have been training myself well enough to engage ten men in hand to hand combat, but it won’t be enough. I have to train myself well enough to be able to withstand an army. And so i decided to advance to the next stage and develop my skills in archery. I think i can manage the sword well enough now to put that training on a lower level without losing any progress, although i must admit that i wasn’t really sharp this morning. Thoughts where clouding my mind and my loss of focus got rewarded by giving myself a tremendous pommel strike on the top of my head. I still have a big lump on that spot and a nice cut on top of it. It’s just a reminder, i should be more careful. The new sword i recently acquired is sharp as a razor and made of very tough steel, i could easily cut my own head off. It’s shorter as a normal sword too, which gives me a great advantage in speed and makes it very useful in smaller areas. I’m beginning to think more and more in patterns of evolution. So many different details from our environment control our dna activation that you realize even the smallest push sets big things in motion. A single strategy can create a miracle; divide to conquer. To turn a singularity into a paradox and create an energy pattern between those polarities.
I wake up in the middle of the night a few days later, so i decide to finish this chapter. The previous one was difficult and i was in a real lack of inspiration, but now i`m back on track and moving forward faster than ever. Thoughts are pouring in as if i am downloading data from the universe itself. I also begin to realize my own part in this. They say the universe is nothing more than a holographic projection. Well, that is not exactly how it works, but we do seem to project out fantasies upon everything and everyone around us. Who and what you see is limited to who and what you think you see. And so it is key to analyze the limit of thoughts from our environment to understand why we sometimes fail to reach others and how we can avoid stepping outside a person’s reach of understanding. Or step outside those limits with full awareness to achieve the desired effect, to see what lies beyond the visible. A move i can do with both myself and others to achieve the miracle of evolution. But who are you? Just a reader? Or are you on a journey as well and have you accidentally come across my path? And for what reason? Don’t think i don’t see you. Why haven’t you stepped forward yet and participated? Some have… They are now integrated into the storyline. Never fear to step forward and reveal yourself. Everything you ever wanted is on the other side of fear. Don’t we all wish to be a part of something bigger than ourselves? When i started this project i never knew where to go, i was just a dark wanderer looking for his roots and a way to improve myself. I now understand this isn’t about me anymore, this is about us.
“When the ego dies, the soul awakens”- Buddha.
If we truly want this story to come to life we need to give it a soul… You all want to be a part of the miracle of resurrection don’t you? Well bringing a dead man back to life isn’t such a miracle any longer. Hospitals all across this planet do this on a daily basis.Bringing a dead man to life is giving something back to it which it already had. Bringing a story to life is something different. That is like gathering the dust of Adam and building an entirely new species. Life can manifest itself on so many levels. I think artificial intelligence is a nice example. One thing that can be learned from that is that it’s mostly a variety of different interactions that create a soul inside a being, like a series of different inputs creates triggers inside artificial intelligence which give a certain expected or unexpected output if triggered. The more connections an entity has with other moving entities, the more layers of life you can find inside. All predictable patterns, but piled up together they form the possibility of an unpredictable output. A writer writing his story is also a predictable pattern. After a few chapters you mostly have a very good impression on how the story continues. But what if a story suddenly grows wild and volatile like a beast? If it starts to choose its own directions and frees itself from its master? If the unfinished product starts to attract other writers who all wish to have a stake in the outcome? That is the moment when the story detaches itself from me and i can no longer predict the outcome or decide it by myself. That is when the story gets a soul, a free spirit of its own to follow its own path. But why do i ask your participation in this? To teach you the miracle of spiritual transformation. But i also ask a favor of you. This story is keeping me hostage in the same way as i am keeping this story as a hostage. As long as i decide it’s destiny, it will decide my destiny as well. We are so intimately connected to each other, almost as if we are already soulmates... As if we are a Singularity waiting to be divided by external input; divide and conquer.